The Landlord and the Neocon
© Tabby Cat 2008
(With apologies to Lewis Carroll)
The sun was shining far above
As Lady hefted high
Her silver torch of freedom
One proud beacon in the sky.
But its bright beams soon dimmed and shrank
As storm clouds roiled by.
The Landlord looked across the view
The harbor's scattered ships
And chin in hand he fumed and swore
A frown spread on his lips.
His fist crashed hard - Bang! on the desk
It's time I came to grips!
These buildings that I own, he cursed,
Twin spires rising high.
Asbestos-clogged, too old, too cramped
Why ever did I buy?
I see red ink in gallons, waves,
Toward me drawing nigh.
World Trade Center, World Schmade Center,
He very nearly bawled,
Too big to wreck, too old to rent,
No good to me at all!
So little did he that day think
The speed with which they'd fall.
But as the Landlord tore his hair
And cursed the day he's born
Fate even then was smiling down,
Don't cry, don't feel forlorn!
His admin just then spoke up bold:
"There's someone on the horn."
"Larry! Pal! How are you, guy?"
A lusty voice boomed out.
"It's Washington, your buddy Dick,
Don't mewl and cry and pout!
Because I have a brilliant thought,
Just listen, hear me out."
"Russia's gone, they're pussies now
The Commies just caved in.
In ten years ever since they crashed
Our budget's wearing thin
For tanks and jets and atom bombs -
We've flushed our weapons bin."
"So now we need a demon,
A freedom-hating blight,
So absolutely heinous that
All doubts will drown in fright
And you can help it happen
Meet me twelve o'clock midnight."
The Landlord and the Neocon
Were walking close at hand.
Shadowed by the Towers Two,
They mused and schemed and planned.
"If these were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If Haji moles with little knives
Rammed them with a plane,
Do you suppose", the Landlord said,
"They'd drop straight down the drain?"
"Bring it on!", the Neo grinned,
(It can be thus arranged.)
"Then I will buy insurance, lots,
To profit from the damage.
And you, Dick, have your work cut out -
Find planes and plan the rammage!"
"My thoughts exactly", Dick replied,
"Shake pardner, on our scammage!"
And when the deed was done at last,
One, Two, and Seven fell,
The newshounds, anchors, talking heads -
All piled in on the sell.
Big hair and teeth, they licked the spit,
Like hearing Pavlov's bell.
"O Pundits come and walk with us,"
The Neocons beseeched.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Come listen to our speech.
For you must serve the KoolAid
You must guide and teach and preach."
The smarter newsmen looked at them,
But never a word they said.
A hoax, so clear, but their careers
Now dangled by a thread.
So they merely winked their eye
And read what they were fed.
Vast armies then were mobilized,
"Al Qaeda we will kill!"
The CIA just laughed to think
Bin Ladin was their shill.
With so much money changing hands,
Won't do to block the till.
Just plain folks then hurried up
All eager for the treat,
Their blinders on, their brains well washed,
Their anger clean and neat.
And this was odd, because, you know,
The whole op was a cheat.
"The time has come," the Warlords said,
"To talk of many things;
Of DHS and no-fly lists,
And whether Tasers sting.
And why the Constitution's just
A scrap not worth a thing."
"A war or three," the Warlords said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
A hundred years or so at least,
Is very good indeed.--
Now if you're ready, sheeple dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the people cried,
Turning a little Blue.
"After such blindness that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"Are you with us, or against?!"
The Warlords' venom spewed.
"It was so blind of you to come!
And quieter than mice!
But if you start to carp and whine,
It's better to think twice.
We have our dayglo jumpsuits,
And we'll hood you in a trice."
It seems a shame," the Landlord said,
"To play them such a trick,
When they have swallowed all our bull,
And rallied round so quick."
The Neocon said nothing but
"I'm proud to be a Dick."
"We weep for you," the Warlords said,
We deeply sympathize."
Through sobs and tears they sternly kept
Their eyes firm on the prize
Of Halliburton's stock chart,
Very sharply on the rise.
"O People!", said the Neocon,
"You're now under the gun.
Is everybody fine with that?"
But answer came there none.
And this was scarcely odd because
They'd scammed them, every one.
FINIS
