IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL READERS OF Tabby Cat Gamespace blog:
Look I'm very sorry, but times being what they are, I'm gonna have to start treating this blog as a cash cow from now on. I just can't carry this loss-leader for any more free rides. That ends now. It needs to be monetized, and generate some cash-flow and return on investment for the shareholders! Therefore, the Board of Directors here at CONTEMPORARY AELUROPHILIC TECHNOLOGIES - SPIRITUALLY CORRECT ASTRAL MERCHANDISING, (CAT-SCAM) LLC., has recently held a special plenary meeting to authorize the Editorial Staff to flip us over into for-profit mode. Sorry, but this is a capitalist country and we here at CAT-SCAM Enterprises cannot afford to be left behind.
The first product in the Premium Tabbic "Royal Purple" Supremo Line of Products is:
The Astro-Angelic Turbo-Felinic Scriptural Diet Phenomenon!!
Here's the idea, I've noticed the human earthlings are getting rounder these days. They need to trim down. At the same time, I've noticed that people are religous, very much so. That's fine, see the genius of capitalism, as I explained in my pitch to the GAMESPACE board meeting the other evening, is finding two distinct underperforming assets and combining them into a reliable revenue stream. In this case, we have dieting on the one hand, and religious fervor on the other. But apart from a few two-bit hucksters out there, who has really thought to wed these together, into a single, streamlined, optimized Product Offering, as part of a larger Product Family? Nobody that's who! And the Board agreed with a standing ovation at the conclusion of my presentation.
Now in my line of work (felinic blogging and bad poetry) we have a Prime Directive, an adage we all live by:
You are your own business card!
And I realized what better advertisement for the new Tabbic Diet Phenomenon than a picture of my own sveltlely sexy feline form, imagine if you could look like this:
Isn't a bod like mine just to die for? Now if THAT doesn't bring in customers by the trainload I don't know what will!
But that's not all. Since I recognize that the soul needs feeding as much as the stomach, The TDP is couched entirely in our patented Scriptural TurboVerbalTick (c) technology! By formulating your diet instructions entirely in medieval Biblical language, we can guarantee you'll melt the pounds twice as fast!
But hey, I'm NOT asking you risk even one lousy PENNY of your hard earned bucks. No siree, you can test drive the TDP right here on this blog post and if it doesn't ring your chimes, then get this - YOU DON'T OWE ME ONE THIN DIME! Call me crazy but that's the level of integrity I insisted on in my address to the Board last night and though they grumbled, in the end they caved.
So without further ado, here's your Free Felinic Sample of the TDP program:
Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of the mass media, Thou shalt not pig thyself out, but shalt perform unto thy dying day all the complicated diets in all the expensive diet books thou hast bought.
But I say unto you, diet not at all; neither by Atkins; for it might kill you:
Nor by Jenny Craig; for it might bankrupt you; neither by South Beach Diet; for it is little more than a scam. Neither shalt thou diet by Pritikin, because that would drain sales from this site.
But let your foods be, Veggies, Veggies; Fruits, Fruits: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Tabby, Which is the great commandment in the Diet?
Tabby said unto him, Thou shalt never ingest any High Fructose Corn Syrup whatsoever, for it is anathema to body, mind, heart, and soul.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt not eat grains, breads, pasta, or any complex carbs whatsoever.
On these two commandments hang all the Diet and the Profits.
I'm sure you agree that another 500-plus pages of the above is worth far more than our measly cost-covering charge of $19.95. So whip it out, sign the check, and send for your copy today to:
Tabby Cat's Religioscientistic Weight Loss Guarantee
c/o CAT-SCAM Enterprises LLC.
111091 Rose Lily Lane
Pukeweasel, LX 00010
