Dear Tabby,
You may feel a bit strange, getting this 'Special Notice' from me, your personal owner. But I so rarely see you these days, what with your incessant blogging activity in God only knows what sort of internet dives, and even when you are home I can only track your whereabouts by the cloud of 'nip smoke that seems to permeate any space you inhabit.
God knows, Tabby, I have tried to give you every possible latitude, and I can only hope you are appropriately grateful that as your owner I've always kept you on a very long leash and given you plenty of elbow room and breathing space. I won't try to hide my profound disappointment that at times, in my personal opinion, you have abused the trust I have placed in you by posting on your 'Gamespace blog' all kinds of ridiculous paranoid rants and insane "poetry" that would probably raise eyebrows on a men's room wall at St. Elizabeth's hospital. As a loving and indulgent (some have said over indulgent, haha!) pet owner, I have turned a blind eye to it all.
But a new day is now dawning Tabby, for the world, the nation, and yes even for our little home. All of us, the two-footed master race and you, our four-legged friends, one and all will soon be called upon to sacrifice certain luxuries on the altar of security and progress. And I, as a loving but, yes, responsible pet owner, am proud not to be an exception.
Under the mil.gov's new Universal Paramilitary Yoked Omniscience Uberveillance Resources Strategy (UPYOURS program), all sentient carbon-based organisms are to be microchipped within thirty (30) days of receipt of MILGOV Form 24323-IJ (Injective Directive). Tabby, today I received our papers in the mail.
Now don't imagine for a moment that this is all steely eyed patriotism, Tabby. Perish the thought, there's a lot of upside in this for you too. For one thing, now with my GPS receiver I'll be able to pinpoint your exact location within that cloud of 'nip-smoke smog that you trail, which will make for many warmly intimate owner-pet cuddly "special" moments, eh? Some quality time together for us to look forward to right there! Plus, once you are chipped up you can be remotely monitored by the vet for any sign of 'nip OD.
But bottom line, Tabby, this action goes beyond any one organism's private likes or dislikes. Today's Directive papers mandate that chipping shall commence with household pets, but shortly thereafter all human children, old people, and finally we, those of us who are proud to form the backbone of the Outer Party itself, will duly bow our heads for intra-cranial injection.
Tabby, I understand, from my occasional skimming of your *shudder* "Gamespace" blog that you seem to have some kind of problem or issues with authority. In fact, if I didn't know better, haha, I would even sic the DSM-IV's diagnostic criteria on you - a spectrum of symptoms reflecting problems in multiple domains of behavior, broadly construed as angry negativity, resistance to authority, violent aggression and callousness. Hahaha! Not our Tabby, eh?
But in all seriousness Tabby, try taking the long view here. You pride yourself on being an educated, even an erudite beast, er, Astral Advice Animal, isn't that so? And it's been said, Tabby, by a greater mind than you or me that "freedom is the recognition of necessity". And I am glad, Tabby, and frankly a mite relieved, hee hee, to observe the dawning glimmer in your eyes right now of what I can only assume is the mature acceptance and understanding I should have expected from the start.
Now just you hold still, keep quiet, there there kitty kitty ca-